MY CANCER STORY~ PART 3...

Me: "Well, I guess they found……and I burst into tears…."

Hunk: "They what? Stephanie what's going on? I can't understand you"

Me: "Sorry" I tried to pull myself together...caught my breath and said " I guess they found cancer in my Uterus. They found two cysts"

Hunk: Sighhhh.... " What did he say?"

Me: "He said it's a really rare cancer. I can't remember the name, it's a long name. It's really aggressive and they don't know a lot about it. He already made an appointment for me to go and see an Oncologist in Southern California"

Hunk: "Ok, we will go see him and we'll do what we need to do. Are you okay?"

Me: "Ya, I'm ok, just in a little bit of shock I guess. I just want to go to sleep. I'm tired. It's a lot to take in."

Hunk: "We'll get through this. I'm sorry Steph. I love you."

Me: "I love you too. I'm too mean, I'll beat it. It has no idea who it's messin' with".. I giggle, but inside I was screaming WHY ME?!?

Hunk: chuckled and said "It has no idea. I love you"

We hung up and I rolled over and cried and thought about what the doctor in Los Angeles would say. Thought about my Rugrats growing up without their mom. Thought about my Hunk trying to raise all four of them alone. Then I thought about how young we are and that I was sure he would find another wife. Then I thought about how she better be good to my Rugrats and if she doesn't I will come haunt her and my Hunk for that matter. I made a mental note to tell him that.

I tried to close my eyes and rest. The Valium (or VOLUME as we like to now call it) helped with taking the edge off and I just was so mentally drained and still felt physically drained from the surgery.

My mom came back in to check on me. She said the nurse was telling her that she felt so sorry for my doctor.

Apparently, he had come to the nurses station and told them the news he needed to share with me. He told them how upset he was and then he left to come tell me. The nurse told my mom that my doctor got to my door and then came back to the nurses desk and told them he just can't do it, he thought he would just wait until the next day and tell me then.... Then he said he couldn't do that and he went to my room again. This happened a couple of times and he finally came in to tell me.

I knew the pain on his face was genuine when he was telling me the news. I'm so grateful for a doctor who cares so much. I think he may have need some Valium too.

We also talked about telling my sister. My mom, rightfully so, was concerned about telling my sister because she was sooooooooooo pregnant. We knew she had to be told. It wouldn't be right to keep that type of news from her. She is my only sibling and we are very close, it would hurt her so much to not be kept in the loop on something this important. My mom agreed to call her.

I wept for the painful news my sister was about to receive. I prayed that God keep his arms wrapped around her and the baby she was carrying. I can't imagine getting that news about my sister and I knew it would hurt her. I knew it would crush her. Just like it was crushing my mom, my dad, my Hunk and I didn't want to even think about my Rugrats.

My mom went back outside of the room to call her and I rested and prayed for my sister and for my Hunk and for my children and for the Cancer to have been a mistake.

Maybe the biopsy report wasn't really mine. Maybe the Uterus really belonged to someone else. It happens. They make mistakes.

Then I felt bad for the person who should have gotten the news..... then I went back to convincing myself to deal with the fact that I was that person...I was the person with .......gosh could I even think it....... I was the person with Cancer.... It doesn't just happen to other people.. it was happening to me...

To be continued...