Wednesday, October 21, 2009


Me: "Well, I guess they found……and I burst into tears…."

Hunk: "They what? Stephanie what's going on? I can't understand you"

Me: "Sorry" I tried to pull myself together...caught my breath and said " I guess they found cancer in my Uterus. They found two cysts"

Hunk: Sighhhh.... " What did he say?"

Me: "He said it's a really rare cancer. I can't remember the name, it's a long name. It's really aggressive and they don't know a lot about it. He already made an appointment for me to go and see an Oncologist in Southern California"

Hunk: "Ok, we will go see him and we'll do what we need to do. Are you okay?"

Me: "Ya, I'm ok, just in a little bit of shock I guess. I just want to go to sleep. I'm tired. It's a lot to take in."

Hunk: "We'll get through this. I'm sorry Steph. I love you."

Me: "I love you too. I'm too mean, I'll beat it. It has no idea who it's messin' with".. I giggle, but inside I was screaming WHY ME?!?

Hunk: chuckled and said "It has no idea. I love you"

We hung up and I rolled over and cried and thought about what the doctor in Los Angeles would say. Thought about my Rugrats growing up without their mom. Thought about my Hunk trying to raise all four of them alone. Then I thought about how young we are and that I was sure he would find another wife. Then I thought about how she better be good to my Rugrats and if she doesn't I will come haunt her and my Hunk for that matter. I made a mental note to tell him that.

I tried to close my eyes and rest. The Valium (or VOLUME as we like to now call it) helped with taking the edge off and I just was so mentally drained and still felt physically drained from the surgery.

My mom came back in to check on me. She said the nurse was telling her that she felt so sorry for my doctor.

Apparently, he had come to the nurses station and told them the news he needed to share with me. He told them how upset he was and then he left to come tell me. The nurse told my mom that my doctor got to my door and then came back to the nurses desk and told them he just can't do it, he thought he would just wait until the next day and tell me then.... Then he said he couldn't do that and he went to my room again. This happened a couple of times and he finally came in to tell me.

I knew the pain on his face was genuine when he was telling me the news. I'm so grateful for a doctor who cares so much. I think he may have need some Valium too.

We also talked about telling my sister. My mom, rightfully so, was concerned about telling my sister because she was sooooooooooo pregnant. We knew she had to be told. It wouldn't be right to keep that type of news from her. She is my only sibling and we are very close, it would hurt her so much to not be kept in the loop on something this important. My mom agreed to call her.

I wept for the painful news my sister was about to receive. I prayed that God keep his arms wrapped around her and the baby she was carrying. I can't imagine getting that news about my sister and I knew it would hurt her. I knew it would crush her. Just like it was crushing my mom, my dad, my Hunk and I didn't want to even think about my Rugrats.

My mom went back outside of the room to call her and I rested and prayed for my sister and for my Hunk and for my children and for the Cancer to have been a mistake.

Maybe the biopsy report wasn't really mine. Maybe the Uterus really belonged to someone else. It happens. They make mistakes.

Then I felt bad for the person who should have gotten the news..... then I went back to convincing myself to deal with the fact that I was that person...I was the person with .......gosh could I even think it....... I was the person with Cancer.... It doesn't just happen to other people.. it was happening to me...

To be continued...


  1. Hi Stephanie. Thanks for commenting over at my blog.
    I've been sitting here reading yours with my morning coffee. I pray the cancer is gone or in remission.
    I'll be checking in to read the rest of the story.
    Blessings, Julie

  2. Sleep. That is the best medicine. Any time I am stressed, I want to sleep. Just as you did. It seems to be a redeeming quality instilled in us. Maybe a strange survival instinct. But I cannot imagine the thoughts going through your mind and dreams.

  3. thanks for stopping by my that i see yours, i'll be back for more. i hope you story turns ouit well...i've too many people in my life who've been through this, stephanie. keeps your spirits up and stay too mean for it to get you!

  4. First, let me thank you for stopping by my blog, and second - HOLY SHIT. I just read your blog and I am crying for you, I don't even know you but I can feel your pain. I am sorry that you got this news, it does sound from your blog that you are one tough cookie - and that means you can fight it, and will be stronger after it all. Prayers are with you, and consider yourself supported, I'll be checking in on your mean ass!!

  5. Not sure how you found my blog, but thank you for your comments. I've had a few troll comments this month and it's the first time it's ever happened to me, so when I see a comment notification I'm a little gun-shy, especially if it's from someone I don't know.

    I'm thoroughly enjoying your blog already and adding you to my bookmarks. (of course, there's nothing like finding you in the middle of a cancer story - how could I leave now?! I must see what happens! haha!) I should really get my act together and set up my subscriptions and then just log in everyday. But, HA! that would be so EASY!

    Thanks again - nice little blog you have here. Looking forward to reading and catching up. Will try the green bean recipe, too.

  6. Tears. That is all I have to say. I love you so much sissy!!

  7. Stephanie, thanks so much for visiting my blog! When I popped over here to say "Hi", I never dreamed to get in on such an important story. Had to go back and read the first installments. It sounds like you are beating/have beaten this. That's wonderful. I pray continued good health for you!

  8. Thank you for stopping by the ole' blog..I love yours....and look forward to reading more...

  9. Oh, Stephanie...I wish I could hug you! Thank you for stopping by my blog, I'm sorry if it caused you pain, I'm hoping it made you smile! You seem like a very strong woman!

  10. Thanks for stopping by our blog! Very powerful story...I will be praying for you :)

  11. Thank you for stopping by my blog. You are a great blogger.

    My heart is breaking for you and now I cannot stand waiting for the rest of your cancer story. Maybe I missed the date, but when did this all begin for you? When was your doctor's appointment?

    Praying for you...

  12. Thank you so much for your comment! I just spent some time checking out your blog and it's going straight onto the "blogs I follow list". Great blog. Great stories and I am waiting for the next installment. Thank you.

  13. What a day to discover your precious blog. I was expecting to find cupcakes and laundry aggression but cancer? Ugh. I read part 1 and 2 as well and am eager to hear the rest of your story. You sound like the trooper that I would hope to be in a battle such as that.

    Write on baby.

  14. Stephanie, I'm near tears as I write this. Thank you for stopping by my little place on the web and for commenting. It means a lot. I do plan on keeping up with your survivor story. It's a subject very close to my heart. I'm with Amy J, keep on writin'! :)

  15. Steph I get a lump in my throat everytime I read it BUT.....I know you, we are BLOOD relatives and I hurt for you but I also know the fighter you are and have been and that dang C (for lack of a better word) will NEVER be back in our volcbulary again except for the beautiful way you are writing about it! NOW you just write away missy because its a done deal and you are a survivor and we won't have it ANY other way, got IT??????????? love ya lots! and LOTS!! there is NO time in lives for that , like you said, should be a four letter word! so we are throwing it OUT! we have had enough of it in our family! DONE I say! DONE! ok I an done ranting LOL

  16. My eyes well up with tears each time I read another of these posts. But the story is so important and helpful. Bless you for your courage in facing this trauma and in writing about it.

  17. Thank you all so much! Every comment I get brings tears TO MY EYES. You all are blessing me so much by taking the time not only to read my story but to leave me a comment.

    It's my wish that my story will give comfort to someone in whatever way they need. With each new follower and each comment it makes me feel like going back through the memories is worth it. That it will make a difference in someone's life.

    The feedback I'm getting.....well...It means sooooo much to me.

    Thank you!