LETTING GO...PUTTING ON MY BIG GIRL PANTIES..{Not always easy to do}

~LETTING GO~

Letting go is something we have to do so often, yet it's so difficult to do. 

From the time our children are little we are teaching them so that later we can "let them go".  They can't wait for that independence and yet we dread it.

Not just because we want to control them though I admit I struggle with this,because gosh darnit I KNOW BEST.  But because of the fear we have.  Will they get hurt?  How will the decisions they are making today affect them down the road? 

From the time we send them off to Kindergarten it starts.  Are they going to be able to find their classroom?  Is another someones little brat child going to pick on them?  Are they going to understand the work?  Will they make friends quickly?

Then as it moves on they enter high school and you have a whole new bag of worries.  Will they start hanging with the wrong crowd?  Will they start drinking or trying drugs?  Will they get into fights with someones big brat child.  Will they do their work and get good grades for college?  Will they want to attend college?  Will they be respectful to others?  WILL THEY MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A BAD PARENT?

AND then......then it happens.....  They get a drivers license.  The rest now seems like a cake walk.  You are putting your child  in God's hands.  We do this daily but NOW.......now I pray more often, now I pray even harder.  "Please God, just wrap your arms around him and get him to school safely"...... 

I already went through this my my oldest rugrat but now I'm doing round two.  I'm a spaz when it comes to cars.  I've lost two of my very good friends to car accidents.  I know it doesn't JUST HAPPEN TO OTHER PEOPLE...  This spins my head up a bit and makes me be a major freako about my rugats driving.  So my son has only been allowed to drive to the bus stop and back each day, and around our town here.  He has driven other places but always with Hunk or myself (usually Hunk, because as I expressed I'm a freako in the car) and he's done a great job.  BUT ehemmmmmmm  I'm a freako in the car and I want him to have more practice before he takes off up the hill and over that curvy pass and drops back down into town to his school.  (I feel sick just typing this).... Why?  Because my son called and the bus was pulling out as he was pulling in and he is now on his way driving to the high school.  He is going up that hill and over that curvy pass and dropping down into that town where his high school is.  I've already stopped and prayed.  I already shot a text out to my dear friend Sharon and she has already prayed.  Won't you join us?!  Ok, deep breaths and back to my post....

We have to let go.  We let go when they graduate high school and move on to college. 

We let go when they announce that they are getting married and some girl is taking my little boy from me and you are happy for them but it gives a little pain in the heart knowing things will be changing.  Knowing they need you less each year.  This is what we work towards from the time they are born, but why is it so hard to do when the time comes?

Aside from children there are other areas we have to let go of.  OUR YOUTH.  We keep dropping those pennies in the fountain of youth but one day it becomes obvious can't believe I'm going to admit this I will never have my 18 year old body back again.  DANGIT!  But if it came with the price tag of having my 18 year old mind back along with it, I think I would have to pass.  OH I thought I knew it all, just like my oldest rugrats think they do, but oh how I sooooooooooooo knew nothing.

We have to let go of loved ones who pass away.  We miss them, we grieve for them and then we have to learn to let that go.

Our lives are always changing.  New great things happening and the processing of letting go.  It's bitter sweet.

When I'm sitting on my front porch with Hunk, holding hands and  looking out over the lake drinking our morning coffee in peace I may like change.  When I don't have to rush around getting everyone ready for school or taking them to dance, guitar, wrestling or volleyball practice I may be grateful for that change.

Who am I kidding?  I'll have grand-rats running around in place of my rugrats and I'll be smiling every single step of the way.

In with the old and out with the new....A change is a-comin' like it or not.

So I'm going to try to  put on my big girl panties and deal with  look forward to it.

Spillin' it one coffee cup at a time,

~Momma~

PS..... I just called my son WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO CALL ME AS SOON AS HE GOT TO SCHOOL and he is there safe and sound..... my heart was pounding out my chest with each ring of the phone.....

I think I need therapy.

 "Where are those big girl panties when I need them"???