Thursday, November 19, 2009



I read about this online!

He said that he would send it to two different labs for the tests to be done and he was going to be meeting with a group of doctors and they would be discussing my case and they would call us with their recommendations.

He explained a little more about how rare the cancer is and how it is known for returning. He assured us he would do everything he could for me and stated that he planned to keep a very close eye on me.

Hunk and I left in a bit of a fog. It was real, it was happening, but sometimes it felt like it wasn't really happening. Does that make sense? In my strange little head it does.....

We now needed to go home and start breaking the news.....OR could I wait until I heard from the doctors as to what they were going to do... I didn't know what the "right" answer was.

I didn't want to tell my Rugrats, Christmas was coming and I didn't want them to worry. I didn't want to tell anyone. I didn't want to have to start answering questions from everybody. I wasn't ready to hear everyone tell me how sorry they are.

In some weird way I thought if I didn't tell anyone then maybe it would go away. Maybe there was still a chance to wake up from this nightmare.

I just wanted things to be back to normal.

I wanted to be the mom working in the kids classrooms. I wanted to be the wife running the office, I wanted to be the daughter visiting her parents, I wanted to be the big sister helping out her little sister with her new baby, I wanted to be the Aunt rocking her nephew and loving on him. Most importantly I wanted to live. I wanted my life back. I didn't want to miss a minute of anything.

I knew I had to accept that the best I could hope for was a "new normal". If I could live to see my children grow up and have more time with my Hunk then I would accept any "new normal" that was dished out to me.

On the way home Hunk and I decided that we would wait until we heard back from my oncologist before we told anyone. We wanted to be armed with all of the information before telling the Rugrats. We wanted to be able to answer questions.

Our Rugrats were 14, 11, 6 and 5. We knew our Rugrat daughters were so young they wouldn't really understand so much but the boys, especially our oldest, he was going to have lots of questions. After losing Hunks Aunt to cancer we knew that would cause more alarm.

We got home and relieved my parents from Grandma/Grandpa duty and went to bed.

We layed and talked about how if I had to go thru chemo that I could get different wigs and Hunk could go to bed with "a different woman" each night. I stated that I may end up being bald but at least I'd be skinny..we were trying to ease the tension, ease the pain.....laugh....if even only for the moment.... Hunk is always good for a laugh.

I fell asleep in Hunks arms knowing that tomorrow was going to be a very busy day.

To be continued....


  1. Laughing is hard during the rough times, but, in my opinion, it is necessary.
    Laughter is just as important to healing as rest is.
    I would have waited too. All would have been full of questions I was unable to answer.
    I had a blood clot in my left leg a few years ago and my friends and family worried me to death with questions and advice. They were all worried and wanted to help by reasearching and asking others.

  2. A "new normal" ... That is the perfect term. Great way to look at things in such a difficult situation. When times have gotten tough, I've always yearned for the normal days ... now when thinking about it, was such a defeatist attitude.
    I know I would have waited to tell the family, too.
    Thank you for telling your story.

  3. This is why I love ya cous????? YOU are the best wife, mom, daughter, sister, auntie and COUSIN! Thanks as always for sharing. love ya lots!

  4. When something like this happens you really appreciate "normal" day to day activities. Thanks for the reminder Sissy!

  5. first- thank you for visiting my blog.
    Second- I will have to go back and read the other eight parts to this story- how scary. I really think you sound like a brave woman with a lot to live for. i love how you ended it. There can be power in a loved ones embrace.

  6. I'm sure these are difficult posts to write. They are difficult for me to read as I try to imagine how I might have reacted. You have been so courageous and continue to be by sharing this series.

  7. Glad you see you are continuing your story. Thanksgiving brings home all of one's poignant feelings, doesn't it?

    I hope you have an especially joyous holiday with your family!

  8. I can't help but say WOW after you write one of these posts, I can't even imagine, but you are one strong Momma, that's for damn sure.

  9. ♥ Wow! I think I've said that everytime...

  10. Stephanie... you are such an inspiration... I cannot even imagine the strength of character that is required to go through what you're going through and still maintain the positive attitude.

    I'm sending lots of healing vibes your way. Please know we are all praying for you.

    Everything is going to be great! You are stronger than the disease.

    Believe that!