MY CANCER STORY~ PART NINE

I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!

I read about this online!

He said that he would send it to two different labs for the tests to be done and he was going to be meeting with a group of doctors and they would be discussing my case and they would call us with their recommendations.


He explained a little more about how rare the cancer is and how it is known for returning. He assured us he would do everything he could for me and stated that he planned to keep a very close eye on me.

Hunk and I left in a bit of a fog. It was real, it was happening, but sometimes it felt like it wasn't really happening. Does that make sense? In my strange little head it does.....

We now needed to go home and start breaking the news.....OR could I wait until I heard from the doctors as to what they were going to do... I didn't know what the "right" answer was.

I didn't want to tell my Rugrats, Christmas was coming and I didn't want them to worry. I didn't want to tell anyone. I didn't want to have to start answering questions from everybody. I wasn't ready to hear everyone tell me how sorry they are.

In some weird way I thought if I didn't tell anyone then maybe it would go away. Maybe there was still a chance to wake up from this nightmare.

I just wanted things to be back to normal.

I wanted to be the mom working in the kids classrooms. I wanted to be the wife running the office, I wanted to be the daughter visiting her parents, I wanted to be the big sister helping out her little sister with her new baby, I wanted to be the Aunt rocking her nephew and loving on him. Most importantly I wanted to live. I wanted my life back. I didn't want to miss a minute of anything.

I knew I had to accept that the best I could hope for was a "new normal". If I could live to see my children grow up and have more time with my Hunk then I would accept any "new normal" that was dished out to me.

On the way home Hunk and I decided that we would wait until we heard back from my oncologist before we told anyone. We wanted to be armed with all of the information before telling the Rugrats. We wanted to be able to answer questions.

Our Rugrats were 14, 11, 6 and 5. We knew our Rugrat daughters were so young they wouldn't really understand so much but the boys, especially our oldest, he was going to have lots of questions. After losing Hunks Aunt to cancer we knew that would cause more alarm.

We got home and relieved my parents from Grandma/Grandpa duty and went to bed.

We layed and talked about how if I had to go thru chemo that I could get different wigs and Hunk could go to bed with "a different woman" each night. I stated that I may end up being bald but at least I'd be skinny..we were trying to ease the tension, ease the pain.....laugh....if even only for the moment.... Hunk is always good for a laugh.

I fell asleep in Hunks arms knowing that tomorrow was going to be a very busy day.

To be continued....