MY CANCER STORY~ PART ELEVEN

I couldn't sleep so I pulled out my lap top and I typed a letter to Hunk. A letter I still have. A letter he will keep forever. It was a letter from my heart and somehow I felt a little better after writing it. (you can read part 10 of my cancer story HERE)





I wasn't sure when I would give him the letter. I wanted to wait for the perfect time.


The time at the cabin seemed to go by so quickly. As it did every year. Never enough time to spend with our family. It was so nice to have everyone there. It was always a time we enjoyed laughing together, telling old stories from our pasts (that we have all heard a million and one times, but still LOVE to tell and hear again)....

It was a time to take the rugrats out sledding, have snowball fights and build a snowman. This year was not different in that respect. We still wanted and did all of those things, plus we (yes Hunk there is a mouse in my pocket) were "adding on" to our home by completing our basement. We were turning it in to a play/family room with steps down to a jacuzzi area with a fireplace and big windows and sliding glass door that looked out at Shaver Lake.

It was such an exciting time for us and such a heartbreaking time all at once. I was taking it all in. Every funny thing someone said, every hug a rugrat gave me, the way people laughed, the way my adorable baby nephew smelled. It's engraved in my mind forever. I had to soak it all up and hold on to it forever because the reality was that this could be my last Christmas with my family.

There are no taking any days for granted. This should be true for all of us. We don't know when our time here on earth is through. It's easy to step away and not think about this, and we do NOT want to dwell on it, but I think we should be aware and live our lives to the fullest.

After leaving the cabin there wasn't much time before I needed to head down south to see my Oncologist. He wanted me to come early and see him before the surgery. My mom went down with me. We wanted to take this time to have a "Mother daughter trip". She wanted to make this trip as fun for me as possible. I loved her so much for doing this for me and inside my heart was breaking for her too. I can't imagine this happening to my daughter.

It made me so mad that cancer had such power over my family. I did not want to let it eat away at our family like it was trying to do to my body. My parents shouldn't have to lose a child, my sister shouldn't have to lose her only sibling, my husband shouldn't have to lose his wife and my children definitely shouldn't have to lose their mother.

I hated this nasty dragon and I had to slay it. There were times I felt confident and there were times I was down on my knees begging God to stay with me as there was no way I could do this alone. I would feel him there and the tension would start to fade and I could again absorb all that was around me.

I vowed that if I made it I was going to do things that were more important. I would keep help in the office, as long as we were financially able, and I would do more with the rugrats. Not that I didn't do a lot already but it just felt like it wasn't enough.

My youngest son loved putting on shows for us and making us laugh. We always called him our little "Jim Carrey". I had a friend whose daughter was pursuing acting. I decided WHEN I got better I would see if I could meet with her manager and see if my son had any possibility of pursuing acting. I hadn't looked into it before, even though I knew he would love it, because even though we live in California most of the auditions would be in Los Angeles/Hollywood area which is a good 3 hours away. I was now looking forward to spending 3 hours in the car with my Rugrat, if this would make him happy. I could give up 8 hours out of my day to help him pursue a dream.

Many days were spent thinking of what I would change if I had it to do all over again. I just prayed that I would be given that chance.

I didn't give Hunk the letter until after my surgery but I thought I'd share it with you now.

As I lay up in our bed in our Christmas vacation home and I listen to my children and family laugh and talk......... below is the letter I typed on my laptop computer, to the love of my life.......



Mike,

We decided not to exchange Christmas gifts this year due to the BIG gift we are doing for each other already (the basement). Which I know is more for me than you…But I wanted to write you a letter. It has been such a difficult time for me (and I know for you too) lately and I don’t know how I could make it without you. The thought of facing this alone I can’t even imagine. You are always there when I need to talk and when I don’t feel like talking. You push me back to positive when I start getting negative, yet you don’t make me feel like I’m ridiculous for being negative at times. I fell for you from the moment I met you at Linda’s house. I’m so glad Cindy dialed your number and gave me the phone. I regret every time I did something that hurt your feelings and I wish I could do anything to take each and every one of those times back. Our marriage has grown stronger and stronger over the years. When I look at you I still think you are soooo handsome. I always tell people you are a good catch. With each year I never think I could love you more than I already do, and every year I love you even more. I can’t imagine a life that didn’t have you as my husband. You treat me like a queen. I will be the first one to admit that I am spoiled rotten by you. There comes a point in a marriage that you don’t feel like you are completely your own person anymore. I feel like we are one and when we are not together I feel like a part of me is missing, I guess that part would be my heart.

I can be a pretty stubborn and strong headed person (as you know more than most) and I am going to do everything I can to beat this cancer. I refuse no matter what bad news MAY come my way to just lie down and give up. I have you and our four beautiful children and that is not an option. But on the completely realistic side I know there are several tough people who feel the same way I do, and I think they make it a lot longer than the rest (if not beat it all together) but like your Aunt Chris who gave it her all and didn’t make it. IF that should happen to me I want you to know that you are and always will be my soul mate, my one true love and you have made my life complete. You are a wonderful husband and my gosh, couldn’t ask for a better father. The love you show our kids in how you help to raise them just melts my heart and makes me love you more each day. IF somehow I don’t make it through all of this I am thankful for all the years we have had together and I would want you to always remember what an amazing husband you have been and know that I will never really be gone I’ll be making sure we have a wonderful home waiting when you all join me. All that being said I don’t plan to go anywhere…. I will win this and get off this roller coaster ride. I’m holding tight to the clear scans I had and the aggressive treatment they will be giving me. And who knows I may look hot as a bald chick.

Thanks for all your love and support not just now but over the years.

You are my love, my strength and have my whole heart forever.

Stephanie

To be continued.....

FASHION SENSE....NOT THIS MOMMA

Fashion Sense........ some have it, some don't....... some of us seem to be born with it and some of us ask our 10 and 11 year old daughters to help dress us. One thing I've not ever been is a fashion queen. Part of it was because I didn't care, part of it was because.....well, I didn't care.

Truth is some days I cared. Some days in high school I would wear pumps to school and make sure my hair and make up looked just right. And the next day I might wear a pair of sweats with my hair pulled up in a pony tail......OK in a BANANA CLIP........Was that the 80's Mohawk for girls? I'm not sure, but I had one in every color. I LOVED those things.... If I had only kept one now. I'd wear it to pick up my Rugrats. My Fashion Diva daughter would probably go into a complete tail spin........shove me back in the car in effort to hide me from her friends..... Whose moms, by the way, seem to be much more hip and cool then I am......whatever.....

I'm the real deal. Not that they aren't.....I know I should be the real deal in nice outfits and I still occasionally try. Like when I went to Vail, CO with my sister ........I TRIED.

I had my personal shopper along with me (IE: MY SISTER , who is younger and much more hip than I am.......well she's more hip than she is younger, but that made me feel better to give that as a reason)......

She helped me pick out outfits......I even bought a SCARF........ I think I need another because it's become my new best friend. I bought a few fancy sweaters.....one I wear (with my scarf, so that would be OFTEN) and the other I wore once. I feel like I need to travel down south to Hollywood and walk the streets with the sweater...... I also feel like I should weigh 50 pounds less and be a foot taller to be able to pull this sweater off.....It's black and gray and to be honest I feel I resemble an elephant when I wear it.....All I need is a trunk....and floppy ears...... You laugh but I'm not kidding...... I think I need to donate my sweater to someone a bit more hip, thin and taller than me....... Ok, so I need to send it to my sister....

Of course if it's like when we were young she will just start crying and saying "I always get all the leftovers!" (ie: hand me downs)..... Truth is she was crying because my "leftovers" were not her style......in fact I don't know if they could be considered a "style" at all......

I did have my "Rag City Blues....the kind that zipped around and ones that zipped up. I was sooooooo picky in how things fit me and they made these in a ZERO.......yes I said it a ZERO...... Once upon a time in a far off land long ago there lived a skinny girl who wore a size Zero..... She still lives in side of me she just keeps trying to add a number to the front of the zero. So RUDE!

I thought I'd share one of my finer moments. Now I do blame this on my mother. Seriously who lets their punk kid go out the door looking like this? MINE.......My mother who got sick of hearing me whine about things being uncomfortable.....Truth is I think she wanted to take this photo so she could use it against me when I got older and started dating.....

And now I am using it against myself......putting it on display for the whole world to see what a major dorko I went to school looking like. Embarrassing....maybe a little......but if I don't spill the beans on myself then who will?

Of course when I grow up and am famous People Magazine might find this photo and use it against me..... I really better keep that in mind before I hit "POST".....

Hunk will you still love me? He said he knew I was a big dork when he married me......I'll take that as a yes.....

Here I am in all my Glory..(and my little sis)..... I just got off of the school bus....... Child protective Services were are you????.......

Some days I do worry...... I worry I will be cuffed and put in the back of the "Fashion Police" car....... But hey, maybe I'll get a make over......learn some new tricks......

Until then......Can I get a shout out to bringing the Banana Clip back? on second thought I think it would give me a headache....I'm a very sensitive girl....

I am really.....

Whatever.......

Ciao Bellas~

IT'S FRIDAY ......DON'T FORGET!!

It's FRIDAY!!! TGIF BABY!!



Wooo Hooooo...........



I'll have a new post up shortly.



I've been working on some exciting things to come on Mommas Soapbox. There is still LOTS to do to get it where I want it, so don't expect anything TOO SOON.....but I'm working on some improvements.



I wasn't going to say anything until it was all done, but you know me......can't help but keep spillin' the beans on myself!



It's how I roll....well, it's more of a waddle if I'm being completely honest..



Hunk is used to it by now.....at least he pretends to be..... he loves me....I love him.....



CRAP now The Barney song, "I love you, you love me, we're a happy Family" is running through my head.......make it stop!



In the mean time I wanted to remind you.........



Don't forget to leave a comment HERE for my FREE GIFT CARD OF YOUR CHOICE GIVEAWAY!!



Make it a super duper Friday.



How 15 year oldish did that sound?



I must have gotten lost in my Throwback Thursday.....I'm climbing out....it's kind of scary there.....pimples and pms.....

Now it's wrinkles and hot flashes....



Ciao Bellas~



Momma OUT.... (sounded better when Ryan Seacrest said it)



Whatever.....

THROW BACK THURSDAY~

Talk about a "Throw Back" in time.... This was my senior year photo. I still remember going and taking this picture. You have to love my 80's hairstyle. In my defense this was nothing. Not sure why my hair was so tame this fine day. Maybe I didn't have time to do it...

Where were my McDONALD'S GOLDEN ARCHES? I am sure I could have gotten A LOT more height out of this hair.

I'm so sure because, sadly, I often did...... (I'll have to dig those photos out)

Ah, my Senior year........it seems like I just had this photo taken two years ago.... Where has the time gone?

I remember my parents saying to cherish my high school days. They said that as you get older every year goes by faster than the last. I had no clue just how true that statement was.

What is sad is THIS PHOTO was taken two years ago....

Our oldest Rugrat's Senior photo.

Why is he so much younger than I was at his age?

I can't believe he will be 20 years old in a few short months.

sniff.....snifff......

Tito....pass me a tissue.

sniff......sniff.....

In what seemed like overnight I went from being a Senior to HAVING a Senior.........

But I get to be a Senior again one day......

And I know that day will come more quickly than I can even imagine.....

Yep, I will be a Senior again...

A SENIOR CITIZEN...

But I'm good with that....... I get discounts on lots of things AND the best part..... If I'm blessed enough I will have GRANDRATS (ie: My Rugrats....rugrats).

Does it really get better than that? Not in my ever so humble opinion....

But I'm a rat lover.......well, a RUGrat lover.....rat's kinda freak me out...

Ciao Bellas~

PATIENCE MAKES THE COOKIES TASTE BETTER??

My friends dog Brandie waiting for the Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies to finish baking...

Is she adorable or what?!? And obviously she has great taste and patience.

My friend Kristen shared this photo with me. When I saw it I said "I HAVE TO PUT THIS ON MY BLOG!" ......and Brandie wanted you to see what a good girl she is, so she signed over her rights to the photo......well, she tapped her paw on it, we knew what she meant......

I didn't want to post the photo Kristen took of me sitting on the floor next to Brandie with the drool bucket......it wasn't pretty......a grown woman shouldn't drool like that, not over cookies......not ever.....(there may or may not be a photo.....I will never tell..)

Have to run...typing this post is making my mouth water.....good thing the computer screen is here to guard you from my slobber.....my keyboard however may be in need of repair....

And just like every other time I see yummy food.... my butt just grew.... .

....whatever......

Ciao Bellas~

PS. Don't forget to enter my free giveaway "Gift Card Giveaway"

RAINBOW GIRLS- NOT THE BREAD

Many of you may not know that I used to be a "Rainbow Girl". I found this photo the other day while looking for some "back in the day photo's" for facebook.



So my Hunk is on the far left. Then you have on of my BFF's Susie, then you have Eric and then me (momma aka DORKO), then Mitch, then another BFF Terri (who 12 days after this photo was taken was killed by a drunk driver while on her way to pick me up from school) and then Brian (Terri's boyfriend at the time). We all hung out together. This was a big part of the people in our "Group of friends". We had many happy memories and some sad ones too.

This was at my "Installation of Worthy Advisor"...... I am right in the middle with the big pink dress... I had this dress made special for this night. My how styles change! I remember us all wearing these "hoops" under our dresses and we even had to learn how to properly sit in them so they didn't fly up in the front... We also had to learn that when you sit down you don't wipe your entire back side before sitting to make sure your dress is smooth.... I believe they said nobody wanted to see that.... lol

Many of my friends, mainly GUY friends would ask what we did. They thought we MADE BREAD. LOL......

We had to learn verbage for the installation, many were verses from the bible, I struggled that night. A bit of stage fright and a bit of I was too busy hanging out with my friends to study enough.... BAD MOVE.... It was embarrassing not remember all my "lines" but I made it through....

I miss my friends in the photo. I miss the fun times we had but we all grow up and move on. I still talk to Susie from time to time. She is married with two adorable little ones. I miss Terri like crazy but still have a relationship with her parents and brother. We still talk to Mitch who now has three beautiful children and a sweet and pretty wife. Eric we don't see very often but he is now married and has two children. His little sister is one of my very best friends.

Brian we also don't see very often. He married a good friend of ours, Tina, and they had a beautiful daughter. Unfortunately, the relationship didn't work out and they both remarried. A few years ago my sweet friend, Tina, died in a car accident and Brian and I met each other at the hospital. Instantly sparking old memories of when our Terri died. Just like I do with Terri I also miss Tina very much. She was an extraordinary mother to four children and had a wonderful marriage.

So as you can see, with our happy memories of the past there are sprinkles of sad ones too. Just as there is in every ones life.

This picture though........it makes me SMILE. Nothing but happy fun times that night (and so many others)......

Ciao Bellas~

FREE GIFT CARD-OF YOUR CHOICE-GIVEAWAY!!

I can hardly contain my excitement since receiving my clear scan results!!

To celebrate my scans and the fact the I have the best readers there are in the ENTIRE BLOGOSPHERE I wanted to do a gift card giveaway.

It will be a $50 "eCERTIFICATE" (So I'll email the winner the gift certificate directly).

You choose where you want to shop!

Will it be Williams-Sonoma?

OR

Maybe your more of a West Elm kinda shopper?

OR.......

Is it Pottery Barn that tickles your fancy?


All you have to do to enter is tell me what you enjoy most about my blog and why.

You can enter:
1. Once because you came to my blog and answered my question.

2. One more time if you follow me on twitter. (just type twitter in comment section)

3. One more time if you follow me on facebook. (just type facebook in comment section)

4. One more time if you follow my blog. (just type blog in comment section)

5. Two more times if you have a link to my blog on your blog. (just put LINKED TO MOMMA and a link to your blog in comment sections)

Contest ends on this Sunday, January 31st at midnight. The winner will be announced on Monday morning, February 1st.

MOST IMPORTANTLY:
Thanks for celebrating my scan results with me!! Thanks for being the best readers any blogger could ever hope and dream to have!!

I can't wait to see who is going shopping!

Ciao Bellas~

NATIONAL HANDWRITING DAY~AND HIGH SCHOOL NOTE WRITING

Hunk was reading the Farmers Almanac this morning and he announced "Today is National Handwriting Day"......

I'm wondering if in honor of this very special day I should have the rugrats all sit around the table and practice their handwriting.

I know on a Saturday it is exactly what they would want to do. Maybe Hunk and I should join in!.........We could make it a family event.

Of course our handwriting is sooooooooooo good. Honestly, if you saw my writing skills you would be blown away......

Not just blown away, blown OVER, tossed up in the air like a rag doll, flip around a few times and land on your feet and shout "SUPER STAR!" ........ for a four year old......

The sad truth is I make my rugrats erase things and re-write them in better handwriting all the time. Saying things like "Your teacher actually needs to be able to read this".....but I struggle with my own handwriting. I envy those with beautiful handwriting....

I remember friends in school being able to write in calligraphy and making cute swirls and hearts on their papers. I'd try but the only thing I could ever half way master was bubble letters... Gosh I haven't done that in years!

Most of my practice with pen and paper was of my puppy dog or my palm tree. My signature drawings that all of my friends would find at the end of a note I had written (in class when I was supposed to be learning something, not trying to figure out why Tom doesn't want to be with Susan anymore and how could he like Dori......Omigosh! She is such a........not nice person)....

Were you a note writer? I was soooooooooooooooooo a note writer. There was a few times when I wrote notes that I will NEVER EVER EVER forget.

Once a boyfriend kept asking me to write him a note. I was on the verge of not wanting to be together and I didn't feel like writing to him. He kept begging me. I didn't understand (until later) why this was so important to him.

I finally wrote a note to him in class. I didn't know what to say so I wrote things like " this class blows, Gary is sleeping, Have you seen Carrie's hair today, Susie and I are going to go to the movies after school, I HAVE TO GO PEE, I'M BACK FROM GOING PEE, I hope I pass this class, Mr. G just said that these people don't have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out of and then he cracked his whip on Jason's desk because he was sleeping. Brian was getting sent to the principal but he started pulling money out of his pockets and when it was enough Mr. G opened his desk drawer and pushed the money in and told him to go sit down!"

You know typical high school talk..... ha ha

So I gave him the note in between classes and went to my next class (which happened to be near his Ag class he was in)...... Halfway through class I asked to go to the ehemmmmmm bathroom......and went to Ag. Here is my boyfriend standing on a big wooden box reading my note to the entire class. I hear "I HAVE TO GO PEE, OK I"M BACK FROM GOING PEE"..... Hunk was in this class and is clearing his throat loudly and trying to alert this DORKO that I am in the room...... It takes awhile but he sees me. NOW I KNOW WHY HE WANTED A NOTE SO BADLY! But I learned to never write a letter to a boy saying you have to pee!

#2- I'm ashamed of #2 and #3......

I was starting to date a boy but but all of a sudden he was walking me to every class at school, waiting for me when I got out of class, with me constantly. I didn't really want to be "in a relationship" so I WROTE A NOTE... Saying how nice he is but I don't want to be with him all the time at school, we can still go on dates but I didn't want to be in a relationship right now. So I walk out of class and he is there. I hand him the note and he opens it and starts reading it OUT LOUD! I say "Please read it later" he continues, his voice getting a little softer as he reads on past how nice I think he is..... he looks at me and says "Ok, no problem, I'll see ya later"..... He was nice after that but never showed up to another class...... I felt bad and then later I started missing him........ His name "HUNK".......obviously, I couldn't stay away for long...

#3 note I saved for last because it was the WORST. Basically I got what I deserved. I was a wimp. In fact it was the equivalent of doing this over TEXTING in today's world I guess.....

I was dating a boy when I was in high school. He had already graduated and apparently was a bit more "mature" than my note writing self. Things weren't working out. So I wrote him a NOTE telling him that I wanted to "break up". I don't even know how I got it to him. Knowing me I dropped it in his room while he was at work trying to get out of seeing him face to face..... but I honestly don't remember. What I do remember is getting home from school and him showing up at my house.

I went outside to talk with him and he starts out with this "I came over to talk but I forgot my paper and pen at home so I guess we can't"

OMIGOSH! My mom still laughs at this little zinger! This boy was always full of them actually. This one stung....... it stung because it made me face the fact of how immature and hurtful it was to break up with a boy in a note.

I think I've solved the case of my horrible handwriting...... I have remaining trauma from memories of my note writing days and I'm so shook up over it that I can't keep my hand steady...... or maybe not....hmmmm

I guess I'm just glad there were no cell phones back then....... or I might have to be admitting to breaking up over texts!

Just keepin' it real and honest as I remember my NOT SO FINER MOMENTS........back in the day.

HAPPY HANDWRITING DAY!!

Did you ever break up with someone in a note? Please say I'm not alone........

Ciao Bellas~

IT'S SOOOOOOO RAINING IN CALIFORNIA

It's raining......it's pouring.......the old man is snoring......he went to bed and bumped his head and he couldn't get up in the morning.....

Sunny California hasn't been so sunny lately. We are really getting hit with some big storms. This was a couple days ago but another one is supposed to hit tomorrow.

No, that is not streaks on my windows (not this time, not that I am admitting)....it was "gettin' with it" here. Hail, rain, but sadly no snow yet.

As I look out my front window I see the Ocean....I wish.....

But I do see a lake that looks like the tide rolling in.

Now if I can just remember where I put my surf board.......

Yes, I used to be a professional surfer.....

Well, I used to watch surfers at the beach, does that count?

Don't tell Hunk...He thinks I only watched hockey players and cowboys....

No worries.....I only have eyes for you Hunk........ oh my Hunk of Burnin' Love....... My sweet sexy wrangler wearing ..........OK, I'm back.....but now I'm havin' a hot flash...

All photos taken from my windows cuz I'm a big wimp who didn't want to get soaked.....

Funny it was raining so hard it looks like fog in this photo.

I think I better call my sweetest ever neighbor and see if she is ready to wash windows tomorrow. I'm you all remember this post washing windows in the rain.

She still promises to get me back. She's had opportunities for sure.........I think she is just too sweet to do it.... LOVE HER!

How many people can actually say that about their neighbors and really mean it?

Ciao Bellas~

BACK IN THE DAY VS TODAY~

BACK IN THE DAY~ Classmates used to call me the nickname "Spaghetti legs".... long and thin......

TODAY~ I now refer to them as "Lasagna Legs"...... Wide and wavy......

I'm guessing I spend too much time reminiscing lately. We were eating dinner last night and talking about how long Hunk and I have been together. We were talking about how much we weighed when we were married VS how much we weigh now....

I got a sudden wave of nausea as I typed that last sentence

We talked about how I used to be so limber and could do back walk-overs (in high heels cuz I was sooooooooo going to be a Solid Gold Dancer, and I needed to practice) and do the splits. Talked about cheerleading days and ice hockey days for Hunk.

Then my rugrat oldest daughter says......."Mom, aren't you going to tell us about how you used to play dodge ball and everyone used to call you spaghetti legs and now you are lasagna legs?" Did I mention how much I love her?

This is when it hit me. This is when I knew I was living in the past far too often. My rugrats know all about my YESTERYEARS......... The first time I told them about my spaghetti legs nickname, they laughed and I laughed and said "sadly I now have lasagna legs" Apparently that made an impression on my Rugrats......

We all have our challenges. It may be keeping a Martha Stewart clean house, getting places on time, limiting our online time, limiting our TV watching, making dinner each night OR having Lasagna Legs........

Some of us may have ALL OF THE ABOVE.. I'm not admitting or denying how many challenges I have..... BUT no matter how hard I try I can't deny the Lasagna Legs... ...hmmmmm......Sadly, this post has made me crave Lasagna.....not sure this is a good idea.

I should go for a walk.......

Should........really should.....This is the KEY WORD.......

Hunk and I have been going for half walks and half jogs on our property each night after dinner...but again....KEEPIN' IT REAL....... the jog part almost dang kills me! I am gaspin for breath and feel like my Lasagna legs are going to snap. The flat ground I can do OK, downhill I am lovin' (well not lovin'...that's a lie...but it's my favorite, if I have to have one), uphill I'm on the verge of a stretcher and paramedic needing to be on standby.

Good thing we've been married for twenty one years because it's not a pretty site. I don't know how many directions boobs and butt cheeks can go but......well, enough of that...... Occasionally I even step on a few frogs.......well, I blame the noise on them anyway..... I'm just sayin'.....

I doubt I'll ever get my spaghetti legs back but if I could just trim them down to fettuccine I'd be happy.

Ciao Bellas~

PICKED UP THE CT SCAN RESULTS!

"CHEERS! CHEERS! CHEERS! CHEERS"

Celebrate Good Times...COME ON!............ There is a party goin' on round here....a celebration to last throughout the year.....so bring your good times and your laughter too, cuz we gonna celebrate your party with you.....COME ON NOW..... Celebrate good times.. come on!!


I got my scan results last night and looks good! There are a couple things I'll have to check with the oncologist about but overall everything looks great!

To say I'm excited is an understatement for sure. In 5 minutes time I found out that my 2nd chance at life gets to continue...... GOD is good!

Because I'm so excited and because you guys are THE BEST EVER I'm giving you a heads up that I'll be posting a FREE GIVEAWAY CONTEST very soon to celebrate.

Thank you for all your prayers and support and know they made and continue to make a difference in my life.

I am so blessed!! I am so grateful! I love my life!!

Ciao Bellas~

HOW SWEET IS THIS??? FEELIN' THE LOVE!!

Who doesn't love it when they have a package in the mail for them? I was so excited!

A package from one of my blog readers!!! What perfect timing. Exactly when I can use a pick me up!


HOLY GUACAMOLE! What woman doesn't love perfume and make up!? AND A CINNAMON CANDLE!!

I love Cinnamon candles.

They are a close runner up to Butter and you all know how much I love me some Butta'!



Look at this! Over 30 samples of perfumes. They smell soooooooooo good. Now if I can figure out how to try more than one in a day!


Beware Hunk.........be afraid.......be very afraid........ your Little Momma is going to be smelling yummy tonight!


Nan at LDBDiaries I can't thank you enough!!! You are soooooooo sweet and thoughtful!!!


P.S. Hunk thanks you in advance! ;)


Ciao Bellas~

HAD MY CANCER CT SCANS YESTERDAY~

I had my annual CT Scans yesterday. They scanned my chest abdomen, pelvis, head and neck. I was supposed to have it in December. I was going to bump it up a little and have it in November instead and I didn't, I pushed it to January. Every year I have them done right at the holidays and I STRESS every time I have them. I thought putting them off would help. Not so much, I just kept thinking about how I needed to get them done, I might as well have just done them.

This is the first time I was able to wait one year in between my scans. It was every 3 months, then moved to every 6 and then they moved it to once a year. (It will remain once a year for the rest of my life). Being the first time I've waited one year I'm a bit more nervous than usual. I'm trying to be very optimistic, TRYING VERY HARD. It just doesn't seem to get easier.

I try not to let everyone around me know how much it bothers me. I guess I think if I pretend I'm not worried then they won't worry. And I know we aren't supposed to worry about things. And I do pray and give things up to the Lord and it really does help to ease the worries. It does....... BUT it is still there.

Is this going to be the time it's back? If it's back will they be able to remove it with surgery? Will I have to do chemo again? Will I be here to watch my rugrats grow? Will Hunk and I get to retire and grow old together?

I was in Costco yesterday and this elderly couple were in front of me. The gentleman had a cane and was a little slow going but he hurried over and helped unload their cart and then went back to his wife's side. I started unloading mine and he notice my pretzels filled with peanut butter. I said "Those are REALLY good". He said "They look REALLY good" Then he comes closer to me and points at his wife and says "This is my girlfriend!" I laughed and said "Is this your first date?" He chuckled and I said "Your girlfriend is beautiful!" He smiled. Then he said "We have been married 64 years!" I said "Oh my gosh, that is soooooo wonderful!" He was so proud and so in love. His wife smiled at me and he said "don't tell her, she might divorce me" and he laughed...he tickled himself. And she said "We've been married too many years for that." I said "I'm so happy for you, I love it, have a great day" And they started walking away.........he comes back over to me and points at my ring finger and says "How many years have you been married?" I said "twenty one years" He smiled and said "That's is wonderful" And he walked as quickly as he could to catch up with his wife. My heart swelled. I wanted to sit and talk with them. Hear all their secrets and stories. And I wondered............I wondered if Hunk and I will one day be that couple? Will I be here to be that wife? I pray that I will. And I wont take a single day for granted.

In all the stresses and "woe is me's" that come along with having had cancer I can say, sometimes I think it's the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't take the blue sky for granted, I don't take hugs and loves from my rugrats for granted .........bottom line, I don't take life for granted. Every day is a 2nd chance. I had a 30% chance to live 5 years. I'm still here......THAT......I WILL TAKE!!!

But I still have a hard time remembering all these things come scan time. I think that makes me........HUMAN.......

Thanks for listening to the rambles....the rambles that run through my mind at scan time.

It is also a reminder to me to let others know how much I appreciate them. So I want to take this time to let you all know how much I appreciate you. How much you truly mean to me. With every comment I feel the love and support, with every visit to my site I smile to know, someone is enjoying reading this little blog I write. With every new "follower" I am thrilled to see who else will be my blogging friend.

There are soooooooo many nice people in this world. In the mix off all the terrible times we have all experienced in our lives, the economy, etc. we can't forget how many great things still happen. How many people love and care about others. Care about people they don't even know. THAT is what life is about.

Thank you! You all make my life a better place.

I'll keep you posted when I get my scan results. And I'm hoping we can all say "CHEERS" together.....

Enjoy your Saturday friends.

Ciao Bellas~

VERENIK RECIPE~MY COUSIN LANETTE'S FAMILY RECIPE

Lanette's Verenik Family Recipe:

Filling: pre make mashed potatoes-set aside, sautee large onion in butter, add to potatoes.

Fill a large pot with water with salt and bring to a boil

Dough: 2 1/4 cups flour1/2 cup water1 egg1 tsp salt

Mix well and knead into round ball, pinch off piece of dough about the size of a large egg and roll out-in the center place heaping tablespoon of filling, pinch closed, (very important)

Place Verenik in salted boiling water and let cook for 5 minutes after coming back to a boil, after they boil for 5 minutes, place in casserole dish and pour melted butter on top. honestly butter just is the main ingredient of life's best dishes...

If you still have filling left over just make another batch of dough, its quick and easy.

These are sooooooooooooooo good! Thanks so much for sharing the recipe cous'!

Enjoy! I know you will!

Ciao Bellas~

BEEROCK RECIPE

I've had many request for our Beerock and Verenik recipes after showing our fun family cook day at my cousin's house. Ask and you shall receive. Here is the Beerock recipe I will be posting the Verenik recipe shortly. Thank you cous'!

Below is the recipe: (if you want to see photos of us making them click here you will be entertained and get a better look at these WONDERFUL TASTING BEEROCKS)


Beerocks:

3 loaves bridgeford frozen bread dough, thawed but do not let rise yet.


Filling: either hamburger, or shredded roast, onion and cabbage, salt and pepper.


Cook meat , in a separate pot sautee large onion in a few tablespoons of oil, once onion is done, add one head of shredded cabbage, cook till cabbage is completely soft-add this to meat mixture, set aside.


Cut each bread loaf into 8 equal pieces, roll out each piece on floured board, about the size of a small saucer, add a heaping big spoonful of meat mixture, bring sides up and pinch completely closed (very important).


On cookie sheets, use either parchment paper or shortening to prevent sticking, put beerocks on cookie sheets and cover with papertowel until they rise.


Bake @ 350 for about 1/2 hour or until brown, brush tops with butter when done (OPTIONAL...but who are we kidding.....when is butter REALLY an option?)


Ciao Bellas~

TRAVIS POWELL IN COUNTRY WEEKLY!!

I’m so excited to share one of my new favorite country singers with you!


ATTENTION: You MUST go directly there today….do not pass go, do not collect $200 go straight to the store and purchase Country Weekly. Featuring Carrie Underwood on the cover and TRAVIS POWELL in the Listen Up Section. There is even a link for a FREE DOWNLOAD of his original song “The One”.


Travis Powell is a singer/songwriter who lives in North Carolina. I have fallen in love with his music and I know you will too.

It doesn’t hurt that he is easy on the eye’s (who am I foolin’ he looks better than a glob of butter meltin’ on a stack of pancakes) but looks will only take you so far…

Lucky for us this boys got pipes!

Travis has a down to earth attitude and an appreciation for each and every fan. He makes you feel like he’s known you forever when you have only just met. And it’s sincere……

I know he will go far. He has true talent and his fan base is growing each day.

Before he knows it he will be rockin’ huge concert halls. I can’t wait to camp out so I can be the first in line for front row seats of a sold out concert….. It will happen…… and there will be nobody more deserving than Travis Powell…..

Learn more about him at the following link: http://www.travispowellmusic.com/

You can also become a fan of his on his facebook page at: Travis Powell Facebook

For all of you in North and South Carolina check his site or Facebook page to see where you can go listen to him play in person! I’m hoping he will be playing here in California soon. I’ll keep ya posted on that one too!

Ciao Bellas~

BEEROCKS AND VERENIK~ COOKING WITH FAMILY

My cousin Karen chopping up the meet for the beerock filling.


My momma shredding the roast for the beerock stuffing. We do hamburger meat and my cousins do shredded beef. I love beerocks....

Karen is making mashed potato mixture for the Verenik recipe..... yummm

Big bowl of filling for the beerocks. Shredded beef, cabbage, onions and seasonings...

And they are stuffed and ready to rise..........I'm hungry now...

My momma rolling more dough for the next batch of beerocks.....

My cousin Lanette, it was her house we were making the huge mess in.

Now she is a pro! I'd like to see her make a pizza!

And this runs in the family. We didn't know it until this day but we BOTH do this. I've done it since childhood. Instantly have to PEE and I drop down until I can compose myself. Laughing makes it MUCH worse. Lets just say A LOT of this went on...... We can't all get together without a lot of laughter....

And let the laughing begin........

And she's down again. I LOVE YOU COUS'! And look at those yummy beerocks on the left........ mmmmmmmmmm

Ya, she's not getting up for awhile......

She is looking for a recipe and thought it would be BEST to sit down while doing it......good call cous'....

Verenik........yummmmmmmmmmmmmmm

This is the Verenik boiling.......so many yummy things were made.....

Karen, stuffing and sealing the Verenik.....

Look at those folding and pinching abilities.......A 50's housewife has nothing on her!

Food everywhere.......this is how we roll........And yes that is a cube of butter getting ready to be melted........butter, butter, butter.......why do you like my butt so much?

Verenik with yummy butter poured over it.......my butt just grew.....

And she's down again...........LOL LOL

We really ARE this funny.......;)

Thought she was getting up but then someone had to crack another joke....

Another batch of Verenik and more butter being poured......sigh......

And she's up and getting ready to sample some of this hard work......

OH YEAH BABY!!!.........

My momma gets her fork going.........She's never had Verenik before.....poor thing....

She shoves it in here mouth with a "TADA" motion........

Then it hits her taste buds...... OMIGOSH.....I believe it was..... "MMMM.....MMMMMMMMM.......dis is gooooood....mmmmmmm"

And these are the popcorn balls we made with the rugrats......

I love my family. I love my cousins. I'm so blessed to have them all in my life.....

I'm looking forward to another cooking day! Are you ready cous's?

Ciao Bellas~