HAD MY CANCER CT SCANS YESTERDAY~

I had my annual CT Scans yesterday. They scanned my chest abdomen, pelvis, head and neck. I was supposed to have it in December. I was going to bump it up a little and have it in November instead and I didn't, I pushed it to January. Every year I have them done right at the holidays and I STRESS every time I have them. I thought putting them off would help. Not so much, I just kept thinking about how I needed to get them done, I might as well have just done them.

This is the first time I was able to wait one year in between my scans. It was every 3 months, then moved to every 6 and then they moved it to once a year. (It will remain once a year for the rest of my life). Being the first time I've waited one year I'm a bit more nervous than usual. I'm trying to be very optimistic, TRYING VERY HARD. It just doesn't seem to get easier.

I try not to let everyone around me know how much it bothers me. I guess I think if I pretend I'm not worried then they won't worry. And I know we aren't supposed to worry about things. And I do pray and give things up to the Lord and it really does help to ease the worries. It does....... BUT it is still there.

Is this going to be the time it's back? If it's back will they be able to remove it with surgery? Will I have to do chemo again? Will I be here to watch my rugrats grow? Will Hunk and I get to retire and grow old together?

I was in Costco yesterday and this elderly couple were in front of me. The gentleman had a cane and was a little slow going but he hurried over and helped unload their cart and then went back to his wife's side. I started unloading mine and he notice my pretzels filled with peanut butter. I said "Those are REALLY good". He said "They look REALLY good" Then he comes closer to me and points at his wife and says "This is my girlfriend!" I laughed and said "Is this your first date?" He chuckled and I said "Your girlfriend is beautiful!" He smiled. Then he said "We have been married 64 years!" I said "Oh my gosh, that is soooooo wonderful!" He was so proud and so in love. His wife smiled at me and he said "don't tell her, she might divorce me" and he laughed...he tickled himself. And she said "We've been married too many years for that." I said "I'm so happy for you, I love it, have a great day" And they started walking away.........he comes back over to me and points at my ring finger and says "How many years have you been married?" I said "twenty one years" He smiled and said "That's is wonderful" And he walked as quickly as he could to catch up with his wife. My heart swelled. I wanted to sit and talk with them. Hear all their secrets and stories. And I wondered............I wondered if Hunk and I will one day be that couple? Will I be here to be that wife? I pray that I will. And I wont take a single day for granted.

In all the stresses and "woe is me's" that come along with having had cancer I can say, sometimes I think it's the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't take the blue sky for granted, I don't take hugs and loves from my rugrats for granted .........bottom line, I don't take life for granted. Every day is a 2nd chance. I had a 30% chance to live 5 years. I'm still here......THAT......I WILL TAKE!!!

But I still have a hard time remembering all these things come scan time. I think that makes me........HUMAN.......

Thanks for listening to the rambles....the rambles that run through my mind at scan time.

It is also a reminder to me to let others know how much I appreciate them. So I want to take this time to let you all know how much I appreciate you. How much you truly mean to me. With every comment I feel the love and support, with every visit to my site I smile to know, someone is enjoying reading this little blog I write. With every new "follower" I am thrilled to see who else will be my blogging friend.

There are soooooooo many nice people in this world. In the mix off all the terrible times we have all experienced in our lives, the economy, etc. we can't forget how many great things still happen. How many people love and care about others. Care about people they don't even know. THAT is what life is about.

Thank you! You all make my life a better place.

I'll keep you posted when I get my scan results. And I'm hoping we can all say "CHEERS" together.....

Enjoy your Saturday friends.

Ciao Bellas~