Saturday, January 16, 2010


I had my annual CT Scans yesterday. They scanned my chest abdomen, pelvis, head and neck. I was supposed to have it in December. I was going to bump it up a little and have it in November instead and I didn't, I pushed it to January. Every year I have them done right at the holidays and I STRESS every time I have them. I thought putting them off would help. Not so much, I just kept thinking about how I needed to get them done, I might as well have just done them.

This is the first time I was able to wait one year in between my scans. It was every 3 months, then moved to every 6 and then they moved it to once a year. (It will remain once a year for the rest of my life). Being the first time I've waited one year I'm a bit more nervous than usual. I'm trying to be very optimistic, TRYING VERY HARD. It just doesn't seem to get easier.

I try not to let everyone around me know how much it bothers me. I guess I think if I pretend I'm not worried then they won't worry. And I know we aren't supposed to worry about things. And I do pray and give things up to the Lord and it really does help to ease the worries. It does....... BUT it is still there.

Is this going to be the time it's back? If it's back will they be able to remove it with surgery? Will I have to do chemo again? Will I be here to watch my rugrats grow? Will Hunk and I get to retire and grow old together?

I was in Costco yesterday and this elderly couple were in front of me. The gentleman had a cane and was a little slow going but he hurried over and helped unload their cart and then went back to his wife's side. I started unloading mine and he notice my pretzels filled with peanut butter. I said "Those are REALLY good". He said "They look REALLY good" Then he comes closer to me and points at his wife and says "This is my girlfriend!" I laughed and said "Is this your first date?" He chuckled and I said "Your girlfriend is beautiful!" He smiled. Then he said "We have been married 64 years!" I said "Oh my gosh, that is soooooo wonderful!" He was so proud and so in love. His wife smiled at me and he said "don't tell her, she might divorce me" and he laughed...he tickled himself. And she said "We've been married too many years for that." I said "I'm so happy for you, I love it, have a great day" And they started walking away.........he comes back over to me and points at my ring finger and says "How many years have you been married?" I said "twenty one years" He smiled and said "That's is wonderful" And he walked as quickly as he could to catch up with his wife. My heart swelled. I wanted to sit and talk with them. Hear all their secrets and stories. And I wondered............I wondered if Hunk and I will one day be that couple? Will I be here to be that wife? I pray that I will. And I wont take a single day for granted.

In all the stresses and "woe is me's" that come along with having had cancer I can say, sometimes I think it's the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't take the blue sky for granted, I don't take hugs and loves from my rugrats for granted .........bottom line, I don't take life for granted. Every day is a 2nd chance. I had a 30% chance to live 5 years. I'm still here......THAT......I WILL TAKE!!!

But I still have a hard time remembering all these things come scan time. I think that makes me........HUMAN.......

Thanks for listening to the rambles....the rambles that run through my mind at scan time.

It is also a reminder to me to let others know how much I appreciate them. So I want to take this time to let you all know how much I appreciate you. How much you truly mean to me. With every comment I feel the love and support, with every visit to my site I smile to know, someone is enjoying reading this little blog I write. With every new "follower" I am thrilled to see who else will be my blogging friend.

There are soooooooo many nice people in this world. In the mix off all the terrible times we have all experienced in our lives, the economy, etc. we can't forget how many great things still happen. How many people love and care about others. Care about people they don't even know. THAT is what life is about.

Thank you! You all make my life a better place.

I'll keep you posted when I get my scan results. And I'm hoping we can all say "CHEERS" together.....

Enjoy your Saturday friends.

Ciao Bellas~


  1. Hi Steph, I'm keeping all my fingers crossed that the beast won't be back. Not this time and not ever!!

    I know what it's like to feel like the illness might become overwhelming. I had a doc's appointment this week (for something non-cancer related but still exhausting and scary) that made me feel exactly that. So I know where you are coming from.

    And maybe you're right, having had to live through cancer and made it out the other side does make you take the beautiful things in our life less for granted. My dad has an incurable form of blood cancer and it's not killing him quickly but it does affect his life and his life expectancy. Every phone call with him, every time I see him, every hug is a blessing and trust me, I know it! I'm sure your wonderful Hunk and your rugrats feel the same way. Blessed that you are still in their lives, appreciative of you and the awesome little things that make their lives what they are. Silver lining, huh?

    Love from across the pond,


  2. Hi girl-friend!

    I thought about you all day yesterday! I hope and pray everything went well, and that everything will be o.k!
    You have been a blessing to me, and I'm looking forward to being MIL's together! (Hey, I can wish!)
    You are an amazing lady, and I love you so mcuh!
    Thanks for being my friend!


  3. Thanks for always sharing your stories with the world. I am in awe of your Strength.
    I am sending good Vibes your way!! Only Good Wishes and Prayers For 50 more Healthy Years for you to spend with your Hunk & Rugrats!!!

  4. such a sweet story about the little old couple!! and YES you and hunk will be that little old couple with lots of grand-rats running around the house-you have so many prayers and people who are cheering for you that the test results will NOT be anything except good! love ya lots and will be waiting for the good news so all the celebrations can begin.

  5. I'm hoping everything comes out clean just as the last scans have!
    My MIL has had breast lumps removed before, although they were not cancerous, she still worries each year before the mammogram if they will find another one and will it be cancerous this time. I can only imagine the worry that goes along with this.
    Such a sweet couple you met. I also hope that one day my Captain and I will be that sweet couple.

  6. Praying for a clean scan! Love the story about the old couple.

  7. I love the older couple story, Stephanie. They are living each day to the fullest ... WHAT an example!
    Another example is YOU!
    I love the honesty in your blog. I love the courage you have shown during and after the cancer. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you wait for your CAT scan results. Keep good thoughts. I will too!

  8. I'm just going to go ahead and say CHEERS now. I believe for the best for you - long life, one full of an abundance of good! You and Hunk watching kids grow, leave home to start their own lives - and you guys bonding over... that sexy LEG LAMP!

  9. Just wanted you to know how much I love you and miss you sissy.

    I know you and hunk will grow old together and I know we'll be old granny sisters together. Heading out to Maui frightening all the young girls with our saggy wrinkly butts. :-)

  10. ♥ I hope everything comes back PERFECT!!!

    What a sweet old couple I love it that they're so happy! :)

  11. Thank you for sharing that. I read it...then I asked Eddie to come in the room and I read it out loud to him and it brought tears to my eyes.

    (((Hugs))) Sonya

  12. I'm saying a prayer for you today. Hoping and praying with you that your miracle continues. :)


  13. Thank you all so much!!! I'm calling this morning to see if my Scan Results are in. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous.....

    I can't tell you how much your love, support and prayers mean to me. You all are the best!!!

  14. Thinking of you with the cancer. We hold our breath every time my sister goes for a check-up. If she stays clear for 3 years, she can join us in Australia. So far so good! We are a little over 6 months on the countdown now

  15. I want to read the your entire cancer story from day one when you started to blog, but I can't seem to find it. :(