Wednesday, August 25, 2010

ORGANIZE AND REDUSE STRESS {Marriage, Children, Home and Work}

Hawaii’s best known export is not sugar, pineapples or Kona coffee, but a word: aloha. This word is what I took home with me after my month long stay on the Island. Aloha means much more than hello or goodbye or even love. It’s true meaning is the joyful (oha) sharing (alo) of life energy (ha) in the person (alo).

It means belonging to others with a common humanity. It is a feeling in the heart.

I'm really doing my best to try and keep my "Aloha" since I've been home.  I spent some time sitting and thinking about what it actually is about Maui that was so relaxing to me.  It was like the stress was just melting away.  I realize I was on vacation but I did have my rugrats there with me and I did do some work (bare minimum) while I was there.  Obviously, doing bare minimum work was a factor but that wasn't all.  And for me, summer time with NOT having the kids in school is a more relaxed, less stressful time for me, even when we are at home. 

But there still is something very different, special and relaxing about Maui.  It is very much slower paced then it is here at home.  And I want that.  I kept saying over and over "I'm determined to find a way to bring this Aloha back home with me".... 

Well, I've been home for a couple weeks and I think I've done a pretty good job keeping my Aloha so far.  I was a bit overwhelmed when I first returned because I am very very busy with work right now.  We are just swamped in general and then with my "bare minimum" working for the last month, I'm really playing catch up.  Normally that would throw me into a tizzy and believe started too.  I was starting to feel overwhelmed and then I said "NOPE, not doing this"  It took a month to get all this stress stripped away from me and I REFUSE to fall back into chaos.  Will NOT do it.

So after much soul searching  and speaking with my friend at LBDDiaries I've decided that this is my goal for this next year.  I can't run a business and have three children still at home and a son who is about to get married and not have a little chaos from time to time BUT I can have CONTROLLED CHAOS... And this is my goal.  

I started this earlier this year.  Taking control of my life and making it the best it can be.  I've made changes that have helped.   I've stepped up and done things I haven't "wanted" to do but I've known I "needed" to do but it's time to take it further.  It's time to dig deeper.  And that's what I'm doing.  That's what I'm hoping you will do with me.

As soon as my "Aloha" is in jeopardy I am going to stop...drop....and roll..... of wait, that is for a fire....

Okay, so I'm going to stop and ask myself  "What can I do differently that would make this situation not be as stressful?"  And I'm going to do it! 

I'm going to continue to work on my weight and health.  I was doing so well and then I slacked off and I'm back at it.  Bottom line is I feel so much better emotionally and physically when I don't slack off.

I'm going to be working on my marriage.  After going on 22 years of marriage, running a business together and raising four children together I want to do a "check up".  I want to make sure I'm doing everything I can to be the best wife I can be.  I want to take time to plan date nights like we used to do.  I want to redecorate my bedroom to a more romantic setting.  All these things I "think about" doing and never get around too.  I'm going to mark time on the calendar to get it done and do it.

I'm going to work on de-cluttering and organizing my life.  This is HUGE.  This is a major cause of stress. 

Case in point..... My son lost his permit.  I was going to take him to the DMV to get another copy.  I had all the stuff together before we left for Maui so I thought it would be easy to grab and go.  So we are ready to walk out the door and I can't find it.  Then I find the form we needed but realize I never put his SS# on it.  So then I'm trying to find his Social Security card.  Can't find it.....  And in the mean time I think I should bring his birth certificate just in case.... Can't find it.  Are you dang kidding me?!?  So I find the birth certificate (which we didn't even need) and then I find the social security card.  But had I put them all back in the safe where they belong instead of setting them down in a spot "for now" and then never getting around to putting them in the safe then I would have found them right off.  And if I didn't have so much JUNK to go through it would have been much easier.  It's not like I have TONS of stuff but it all adds up.  And after spending a month in Maui it made me realize just how little I really "need" and how much nicer it is to have less things to keep track of and to dig through.

I'm going to work on "The guilt"  Not letting the guilt get to me of not having enough time in the day to do everything I want to do.  Or not having enough time in the day to do things that others want me to do.  That saying "I just can't do it today" is OK.  That I don't have to put others first and then figure out how in the world I'm going to catch up on all of my stuff.  Learning I can't do it all perfectly.  I can't be the perfect wife, housekeeper, employee (so many days I'd like to fire myself!.. lol) mother, daughter and friend all the time and that doesn't make me a failure.  It makes me human. 

I can say these things and know deep down in my heart that they are true.  I would say them to my best friend and mean it from the bottom of my heart yet I hold myself to a different standard.  It's time I give myself a break on somethings and come down on myself about others.

You want the chips and salsa.......TOO BAD STEPHANIE, you can't have every dang thing you want just because you want it.

So you don't want to go in to the office today or run errands?  TOO BAD STEPHANIE, you have to.  If you don't go to the office you can't get time cards, if you don't get time cards you can't do payroll on time, if you don't do payroll on time your employees wont get their paychecks on time.  If they don't get their paychecks on time get the idea......So suck it up, stop complaining about what you have to do and get it done. (Not that I never pay my employees on time, I always do but I do sometimes make it stressful on myself by waiting until the last minute)

So you want to go get a massage and you have a gift card but you feel guilty like you should be home cleaning or finishing some work?  Can it wait?  Have you been running and doing things for yourself and neglected your home and work already this week?  If the answer is NO then I'm going to go get that dang massage and NOT feel guilty.  If the answer is YES then.....sorry you want a massage but you have already played this week so suck it up, get your work done and go next week.'s all about balance and controlling the chaos.... and I'm on a mission.

A friend of mine LBDDiaries and I are committed to continuing this mission together.  We have already been riding the weight loss train together and now we are on a mission to live our best lives.  We are going to help support each other and give each other advise. 

AND we are going to post our advise, what we learn through our research and our trial and errors and we hope to help you with something you may be struggling with.

We can't be the only ones who are in need of organizing, de-clutter, losing weight, strengthening our marriages, dealing with Rugrats at home or dealing with Rugrats who are no longer at home.

LBDDiaries and I feel that together we can make a difference.  We both love to do research and get as much information on things as we can.  We can't wait to share it with you all.

We are excited to have you on this journey with us and along the way if you have advise please share and if you have a topic you would like us to discuss please let us know.

Here is to finding and keeping our "ALOHA".

Oh and if nobody told you this already today YOU ARE WORTH THE WORK it will take to find it. 

Are ya with me???


To see my first post on this please click here "things to come and reasons behind it all"


  1. Ooooo - this is GOOD Steph, really, really good. It makes me want to join you on this... oh wait, I already am!! I am going to print this off and keep it in front of my eyes so I can remember that our peaceful life and keeping our Aloha is our responsibility and we CAN do it!

  2. Nan- It is our responsibility. It's not going to be easy from the start getting everything organzied and de-cluttered but it will be worth it in the end. I'm already reaping the rewards just from what I have started. Stress effects all areas of our lives from our marriage to our children to our jobs inside or outside of the home. And we do get DO OVERS in this life so I'm excited! And I'm really excited to have a partner in crime... I mean...errrr....someone who is making changes wtih me!

  3. Amen sister! This is such a great reminder. I get so stressed from putting things off or not giving something 100%. Balance is good. Balance is good. Balance is... alright time to get off the computer and go change out laundry. Great post!!!

  4. Amen!! Love it! What a great post, and always when I need it!

  5. Tami- Hope you got your laundry done and BALANCE IS GOOD! Putting things off becomes such a habit if we let it! So cheers to balance.

  6. Deanna- I'm glad the post was good timing for you! There are going to be lots more coming each week. Homework hassles (because school is back in and I'm already having them) is one area I will be researching and posting information on and another is schedule keeping/planning.

    By the way I'm so proud of you and all your running! Saw your photos on your blog and you look great!

  7. Wow, what a post!
    I'm definitely going to be checking in to see what you both are up to. And hopefully getting some good ideas to incorporate into my everyday life.