Friday, September 25, 2009

The REAL houswives of the California Mountains

So this show is so popular. (along with all the other reality shows) The Real Housewives of the O.C.

My friends and I were talking yesterday (imagine it! I know it is so hard to do, I'm such a quiet person by nature....but YES we were talking (nonstop) and we decided we thought there should be a Real housewives show here in our little mountain community. Now we don't live on the beach in Orange County California but we do live in California and I live on a lake, doesn't that count for something?!? (work with me here people!) And lets be honest, the drama sells the show. I guarantee we could put a few people on who enjoy nothing more than drama. Small mountain community? Drama? Duhhhhhhhh...

We may not (I most certainly don't, only in my sweet sweet dreams) look like these "housewives" pictured above but we are true housewives. Well, lets be honest a few of my friends do look very much like the women in the photo above. "I" just like to say WE instead of singling myself out. It makes me sleep better at night. I'm not the typical CALIFORNIA girl image. Which reminds of when I really found this out. It was back in high school, lets just say those girls in the photo didn't have anything on me back in the day. (Of course that would account for most 18 year olds!) But one day after graduation some friends and myself decided to go to the beach. Now mind you, I had just graduated high school. I had been going to the ruin your skin and hopefully not get cancer bed ......I mean tanning bed A LOT. I should have just set up a bunk because I was there every day. I just had to be TAN for my graduation. I could proudly where a bikini (oh, sorry, I had to grab a tissue remembering these LONG LONG ago, sooooooooooo long ago, before children and stretch marks and incisions days tears me up a bit). I was about a size 3 to 5 with Double digit ta ta's. sighhhhhhhh . So we are laying on the beach. These two "guys" approach us and start talking. They were soooooo cute! And my friend "S" and myself decide that there is one for each of us! (My "Hunk a Hunk of Burning Love" and I were broke up at the time and I was determined to move on~ and get over him!.....ya that happened,......NOT) But back to these hot hunks on the beach. They informed us they lived in Colorado and were out visiting their dear sweet old grandmother. Ahhhhhh all the looks and a heart for their grandmother, could it be true? Well, I'm thinking "I'm so glad I've worked on this golden tan, it must be paying off!" We had our cool matching Ray Bans on (My friend "S" and me) hers had the white across the top and mine the hot pink. Too cool for School. Man I miss the 80's! Both the guys were named Steve. So Steve and Steve keep this conversation going and then they ask us if we are FROM California. I proudly say "yes, we are and we just graduated high school and how totally awesome is that dude?" Well, maybe I didn't do the "valley girl" talk but I'm sure Dude was used a hundred time or more.... So dreamy Steve, the short one, (actually they were both pretty dreamy) says "Wow, I thought California girls were supposed to be TAN?" I'm like WHAT are you kidding me DUDE this is the most tan I've been in my life!? What do you expect from us Cali girls? Should I have visited the tanning bed 3 times a day for 3 months instead of once a day? My dreams shattered. My thoughts of my tan paying off, had obviously been all in my own mind.... What did Steve know anyway, he was just some stupid punk staying with his grandmother because he couldn't afford to get a hotel! I bet he used all of her airline miles to fly here too! (No, honestly they were really nice guys, but not noticing my tan and saying it Out loud.....dude come on! ..soooooo rude. ) I mean did he even stop and have one of those Ally McBeal moments where he thinks he is thinking this too himself only to realize it has come out of his mouth? No, no, I just don't think he did. I don't think he was having an Ally moment at all. He just wasn't impressed with my tan. And obviously didn't have problem letting me know this tid bit of information. Turns out he was impressed with me and the other, taller, Steve was impressed with my friend "S". But that's a whole different story for another day.

Back to our REAL housewives episode. I know you all would love to watch us. We say dumb things, fall when we are tyring to look cool, chuck cow pies off of our beach area so we can swim in the lake.....Of course we fling them with one hand, while holding our wine glass in the other. We go to school functions with our children. We notice who is wearing something that just really should be a prison sentence for wearing it. Sometimes it's something that say is ohhhhh about 10 sizes too small for a plump person (such as myself.....though I tend to wear clothing bigger because I naively think this is hiding all my goods) or it may be someone who is wearing something too slutty and showing off well, lets just say the only thing plump they have going on (and popping out) are there purchased ta ta's..... not that there is anything wrong with that. I did have to have mine chopped down and still don't understand why they didn't just hook up a hose to my big toe and just suck all the junk away... I would have paid good money for that. oOf course if I was a small person I'd pay good moeny for those pretty ta ta's too! sighhh.

At any rate, I really think we would be a good show. In fact I think the camera crew are on their way. I'm just so sure they are heading over to watch my can my salsa today. I mean isn't that what some REAL housewives do?

I am happy to live in a community where if you break down on the side of the road you will have 20 people you know drive by. Well, a few will stop, some will just honk and maybe call your cell and says "Dude! What happened?" Or laugh and wave as they go by...Kidding, you can't break down and not have more than enough people want to help. Up here everyone really loves to help everyone. Even if you don't particularly love the neighbor you still help (and then call a few of your best friends and talk crap on her.........only kidding!!!....kinda). Yep that's how we roll here in the hills of Cali.

We are the next show........ I can feel it....... I'll keep ya posted. ;)

I'm off to can salsa, in my red high heels of course...... NOT......

Ciao Bella!


  1. I totally enjoyed this post! I have to say that I have lived both in California and here in Idaho...totally know what you are saying! A real true down to earth mountain housewifes show would blow all the others away!! Don't even get me started on how 'tan' you can be.... I have been judged my whole life, ever since I was a baby, my mom said that snotty ladies would comment on me saying 'oh she's such a cute DARK baby' why couldn't they just say cute? then when I moved up here, there weren't too many hispanic people around, so I was either too dark for some people, and then other kids called me coconut, dark on the outside, white on the inside!!! can you believe it! what is with all the racist crap! okay, there was my rant for a moment, I think I went competely off the subject :) cute blog! are you from Idaho?

  2. Hey there! I'm glad you enjoyed my post!! I also enjoyed your rant.... A coconut? Haven't heard that one, too funny... Crazy what people can come up with...

    I'm not from Idaho. Born and raised here in Cali but man oh man Idaho looks like a great place and I could really go for those potato parties you all seem have there,... YUMMMM, Can anyone ever get tired of potatoes? I think NOT. ooooops....think it happened, again... My butt grew ........just talking about those yummy taters!

    Hope you have a great weekend!

    Ciao Bella!

  3. Now THAT is funny!!!I'm loving your blog sis!