KEEPIN' IT REAL WITH SPANX.. IS THAT ON OXYMORON?

So I've been holding out on you...... I apologize. I'm dedicated to keepin' it real on my blog. Being true and honest in all my posts. So I'm going to keep it real and be true and honest in this one.......even if it embarrasses me....... it must be done....

So the other day we went to a dinner event with friends. It was a fancy dinner that Hunk and I don't normally make a habit of attending.

Confession: I pulled out his suit pants and shirt that he has worn two times. Both times were for funerals.

2nd Confession: Hunk looked so good that we almost didn't make it to the dinner...

So I'm getting ready and I pull out a skirt and blouse I had purchased and not worn yet. I realize I have no nice black "heels" anymore. I think it's from living in the "HILLS" for too long...... So I call a friend and she rushes over a few pair for me to choose from. While she is here I decide to pull out my Spanx and see what she thinks. She tells me she really can't tell a difference because of the length of my blouse but I decide to wear them anyway.

I did struggle a bit getting them pulled up....probably due to all the sweating I was doing.... those suckers don't go up without a fight.....

I get them up and she helps me "tuck my Spanx up under my bra" so it will stay nice and secure for the evening.

Hunk and I leave (after I hike my skirt up to my waist in order to be able to hike myself up into his lifted cowboy work truck) for the dinner.

We get there and check out the silent auction items, mingle with friends and sit down for dinner. It is then that I realize I need to go to the bathroom. I excuse myself and head for the restroom.

Once I get in the stall I realize this may not be so easy. I have on Spanx and they are tucked under my bra. Crap, what am I going to do. Am I going to have to undress? I'm going to take so long in here they are going to send someone in to check on me...... or worse, they are going to think I'm having stomach problems...... Now I'm sweating again, I'll never get them back on if I take them off.....

I ask myself if I can just hold it for a few more hours....... NO screamed my bladder.

I wonder if I can pull them up on my leg far enough to hike them over to the side......it is then that I realize that there is a nice PEE HOLE. Spanx maker I love you. You have thought of everything. I am able to hike up my skirt (much like I had to do to get into Hunks truck) and sit down and tinkle through the ever so clever "opening".

Of course as I'm doing my thang I get stricken with fear.........what if I pee on them.....

3rd confession: The other night I got up to pee in the middle of the night and when I pulled my pajama bottoms back up I found quickly that I had inadvertently pulled them part way over the potty and well......you get the idea...... new jammies in the middle of the night...... You may think no big deal, but we are powered by a generator.......a generator that we turn off each night......needless to say I'm using a flashlight to find new jam jams..... shinning moment for me......sadly I have so many more

Sooooooo I'm thinking if I pee on them what will I do? I'll have to strip down in the bathroom stall and wad the Spanx up and put them............crap!, I left my purse at the table with Hunk.....Where will I put them???. Well, I'll have to throw them away. Let my gut hang out and head back to the table.

I'm happy to say that I did not pee on my Spanx. I made it back to the table safe and sound....and more importantly, DRY....

But now I wonder..........How exactly is it that I sat there all night with a hole in the ummmmmmmm you know.. "area" all night and I never even realized it? That is sad, and a bit scarry really...

So glad I sat like a lady all night.... wouldn't have been the time to have too much wine and try to show off any Yoga moves.........not that I could do any if I wanted to......

Embarrassing, yeah, but ya know.......I have to keep it real with you all....

By now, you know I'm a dorko anyway......

Ciao Bellas~